There’s always a moment, just before I send the first message to someone I’m playing with for the first time, where my heart begins beating faster and my fingers tremble. All I want to do at that very moment is jump in with a volley of descriptions and actions, lobbing pet names and kinks in an endless torrent of sexual energy. But alas, I do not. I’d like to share some sexting etiquette I’ve found encourages a healthier and more enjoyable sexting experience.
Pet Names
We all have pet names we like to be called during intimate moments. It is important to realize that not everyone has the same preferences. I’ve found it very helpful and appreciated to ask your play partner what pet names they prefer. There are a few ways you can clarify pet names during a play session. The simplest way is to establish both yours and your partner’s preferred names prior to beginning. You can also find creative ways to incorporate it early into your first session. For example, if you’ve started a scene where you and your partner are entwined in each other’s arms, you can say “I whisper in your ear, ‘you can call me slut'”, establishing that you enjoy being called slut while you play. This might also encourage your partner to tell you what they prefer. This is all predicated on both players generally understanding what sort of kinks and play you are getting into.
You can also try different words with your partner by asking them if they like being called something. I’ve only covered a few ways of establishing pet name preferences, but don’t hesitate to find what works best for you. The key is to avoid imposing your preferences onto your play partner.
Ask Questions
Sexting requires just as much attention and care as physical sex. As such, it is vitally important that you periodically check in with your partner just like you would if you were physically engaged in sex with them. In essence, it’s important to ask questions throughout the duration of a play session.
Don’t let anyone tell you that checking in with your partner or asking questions ruins the mood. Questions are sexy as hell! Just like physical sex, it’s all about matching the flow. For example, if you and your partner are in the midst of a steamy scene where you’re in a position to spank your partner, you can squeeze in consent like so: “mmmmm your ass looks so good, so inviting. I rub my hand gently over your supple cheeks. You want me to give it a slap, [insert pet name here]?”. I think this is a steamy way to keep the flow of play going while continuing to establish consent during an evolving session.
Moving In and Out of Play
This is just a short tip that you might find helpful if you’re having trouble smoothly transitioning in and out of play. It’s often fun jumping out of a session briefly to let your partner know how much you’re enjoying yourself. I’ve found it easiest to separate these dips out of play with distinct punctuation or words. For example, I often use brackets like so: (omg that was so hot, I’m throbbing right now) I take you by the arm and etc. I tend to use brackets more often when our play involves many shorter, single word or sentence messages. When I’m engaged in play where my partner and I are writing longer messages to each other, I’ll hop out of play by starting my message with “sidenote:”. Whatever you choose, I’ve found it a fun and sexy way to stay connected with my partner outside the session in the midst of play.
Like most things in life, communication is key. Whether it’s physical sex or textual sex, it’s important to remember that intimacy is to be respected. Let your partner know what pet names you prefer and where you’d like a session to go. There are many ways to do this without breaking the steamy momentum of a session. And don’t forget, it’s OK to hop in-and-out of play to communicate with your partner. I hope these tips help make your sexting adventures more comfortable and enjoyable!
Foryourheartonly 